Saturday, December 28, 2013
Change of plans: Jesus Calling
As is typical for me, I wasn't able to keep up a daily post for my blog. Now that the new year is beginning, I've renewed my resolve to write a little every day. I've also change the book I'll be using from "Spiritual Disciples Devotional" to "Jesus Calling Journal" by Sarah Young. I've decided to wait to concentrate on the Spiritual Disciplines until after I finish college ... when I'll have more time to devote to working the Disciplines. Instead, I'll be using my devotional journal, "Jesus Calling," for my quiet time each morning. If you'd like to follow along with me in that devotional, I've updated the reading list with Amazon. Hopefully, as 2014 progresses, we can spend time each day, growing together in our Christian walk.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Fasting: Beyond Food
While fasting from eating is a great way to reach higher and deeper in your spiritual life, sometimes it may be good to consider other behaviors that are taking up too much space in our lives.
Perhaps it is too much time spent on your computer. Like many things in life, it can be used for good or evil. All of us that that turn on the computer ... or check our cell phones ... first thing in the morning, might want to try to break this habit. What would happen if instead of checking in with our computers, we instead checked in with God first thing? Many spiritual men and women recommend mornings as the perfect time to read Scripture, pray and meditate. Where do our priorities lie? Do we care more about the latest Facebook posts or reconnecting with the Lord? If the Internet has taken over in your life, a fast from it's power might bring your life into balance.
Many younger adults are tethered to their mobile devices. Although not formally recognized as a mental health disorder, Internet Addiction, is something that many people fight. Another related social anxiety, FOMA, or Fear of Missing Out, is experienced on a hourly, even moment by moment, by those who cannot be separated from their mobile devices without going through withdrawal symptoms. Leaving your cell phone at home for the day could easily demonstrate how dependent you've grown on having instant access all the time. Perhaps a cell phone fast could help you rely on God ... not on device, be it iPhone or Android.
This fast from electronic devises might extend to watching too much TV. Instead of turning on the computer first thing, you are one who grabs the remote to tune into the Today Show or Good News America each morning. What would happen if you fasted from that habit? Some of us simply spend more time than is wise in front of our TV sets. Just think, not only of the spiritual blessings, but just the great number of other things we could be doing with our time: talking to our family, reading a good book, taking a walk, spending time in the garden or other natural setting.
Others of us could benefit by fasting from a destructive behavior or attitude. Do you always find fault with yourself and others? Are you too critical, too proud, too argumentative, too competitive, too dishonest, too vain, too overindulgent, too moody, to _____________ (you fill in the blank). Perhaps the first step is to review your life to find the one thing that prevents you from being completely loving and kind. Whichever character flaw you choose, try going an entire day avoiding that destructive behavior. Catherine Marshall, in her book A Closer Walk, describes her experience of fasting from 'criticism' for one day. When others started putting the government down or making comments about other people's deficiencies, she just kept her mouth shut. Throughout the day, she became aware of how many times she thought and spoke negatively about events and people. Here is her observation, "My critical nature had not corrected a single one of the multitudinous things I found fault with. What it had done was to stifle my own creativity -- in prayer, in relationships, perhaps even in writing -- that He wanted to give me."
What unhelpful behavior is God calling you to give up? How is it stifling the Holy Spirit in your life? Try fasting from this detrimental behavior for one day and see what insights God gives you. You might find that fasting reveals what controls us. We sometimes cover up what is inside us with food or other things that prevent us from a more productive Christian life. Fasting brings up issues we may not have faced before. If you'd like to share your experience here, please feel free to leave a comment.
Perhaps it is too much time spent on your computer. Like many things in life, it can be used for good or evil. All of us that that turn on the computer ... or check our cell phones ... first thing in the morning, might want to try to break this habit. What would happen if instead of checking in with our computers, we instead checked in with God first thing? Many spiritual men and women recommend mornings as the perfect time to read Scripture, pray and meditate. Where do our priorities lie? Do we care more about the latest Facebook posts or reconnecting with the Lord? If the Internet has taken over in your life, a fast from it's power might bring your life into balance.
Many younger adults are tethered to their mobile devices. Although not formally recognized as a mental health disorder, Internet Addiction, is something that many people fight. Another related social anxiety, FOMA, or Fear of Missing Out, is experienced on a hourly, even moment by moment, by those who cannot be separated from their mobile devices without going through withdrawal symptoms. Leaving your cell phone at home for the day could easily demonstrate how dependent you've grown on having instant access all the time. Perhaps a cell phone fast could help you rely on God ... not on device, be it iPhone or Android.
This fast from electronic devises might extend to watching too much TV. Instead of turning on the computer first thing, you are one who grabs the remote to tune into the Today Show or Good News America each morning. What would happen if you fasted from that habit? Some of us simply spend more time than is wise in front of our TV sets. Just think, not only of the spiritual blessings, but just the great number of other things we could be doing with our time: talking to our family, reading a good book, taking a walk, spending time in the garden or other natural setting.
Others of us could benefit by fasting from a destructive behavior or attitude. Do you always find fault with yourself and others? Are you too critical, too proud, too argumentative, too competitive, too dishonest, too vain, too overindulgent, too moody, to _____________ (you fill in the blank). Perhaps the first step is to review your life to find the one thing that prevents you from being completely loving and kind. Whichever character flaw you choose, try going an entire day avoiding that destructive behavior. Catherine Marshall, in her book A Closer Walk, describes her experience of fasting from 'criticism' for one day. When others started putting the government down or making comments about other people's deficiencies, she just kept her mouth shut. Throughout the day, she became aware of how many times she thought and spoke negatively about events and people. Here is her observation, "My critical nature had not corrected a single one of the multitudinous things I found fault with. What it had done was to stifle my own creativity -- in prayer, in relationships, perhaps even in writing -- that He wanted to give me."
What unhelpful behavior is God calling you to give up? How is it stifling the Holy Spirit in your life? Try fasting from this detrimental behavior for one day and see what insights God gives you. You might find that fasting reveals what controls us. We sometimes cover up what is inside us with food or other things that prevent us from a more productive Christian life. Fasting brings up issues we may not have faced before. If you'd like to share your experience here, please feel free to leave a comment.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Fasting: Getting Harder Every Day
People have fasted for spiritual reasons since the dawn of mankind. Many people of the Old Testament practiced fasting; the New Testament, while not directly requiring Christians to fast, seems to assume they will. And I'm sure fasting has never been easy. If it were easy, it wouldn't be a Spiritual Disciple.
But I think those who attempt to fast in today's world ... with fast food joints on every corner and TV saturated with food and restaurant commercials ... face a much tougher time to stick to their fast.
Temptation surrounds us. The people of the Bible didn't have a McDonald's on the road to Damascus. The smell of Chinese food didn't waft through the air in any shopping center food courts then. They didn't have to sit through pizza and beer commercials. In this day and age, we must really want to fast and really want to avoid temptation when we try this Spiritual Disciple.
When we succeed, when we abstain for food for the time period we've set for ourselves, I think we are doubly blessed. We learn not to tune into the TV and not to turn into the drive-thru. The time we devote to prayer and meditation means less time not only preparing and eating meals but less time watching TV or surfing the net.
Tomorrow we'll look at these other time-grabbers. Perhaps it is not food that consumes us but other addictive behaviors. There is more than one way to fast. But whichever method or type of fast we choose, our past track record of indulgence plus the multiple pathways of temptation, just seem to make fasting harder every day.
But I think those who attempt to fast in today's world ... with fast food joints on every corner and TV saturated with food and restaurant commercials ... face a much tougher time to stick to their fast.
Temptation surrounds us. The people of the Bible didn't have a McDonald's on the road to Damascus. The smell of Chinese food didn't waft through the air in any shopping center food courts then. They didn't have to sit through pizza and beer commercials. In this day and age, we must really want to fast and really want to avoid temptation when we try this Spiritual Disciple.
When we succeed, when we abstain for food for the time period we've set for ourselves, I think we are doubly blessed. We learn not to tune into the TV and not to turn into the drive-thru. The time we devote to prayer and meditation means less time not only preparing and eating meals but less time watching TV or surfing the net.
Tomorrow we'll look at these other time-grabbers. Perhaps it is not food that consumes us but other addictive behaviors. There is more than one way to fast. But whichever method or type of fast we choose, our past track record of indulgence plus the multiple pathways of temptation, just seem to make fasting harder every day.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Fasting: Take it Slow
When we approach the Discipline of Fasting, it is important not to overdo it. As I mentioned yesterday, there are some groups of people (diabetics, pregnant women, nursing mothers, heart patients, etc.) who should never fast ... or only under a doctor's supervision. We also talked about the spiritual reasons for fasting. You may choose to fast for health reasons ... to lose weight or rid your body of toxins ... but don't confuse those fasts with the Spiritual Discipline of Fasting.
If you should decided to Fast in order to devote more time and attention to God, a word of advice: start small. Many people begin with a 24 hour fast. This would mean missing just two meals. For instance, you could have breakfast one morning, then drink only water until the next morning when you'd have breakfast again. (I love how the word 'breakfast' got it's origins: for truly you are breaking the fast of not eating all night.) In the 24 hour fast, you miss just two meals plus in between snacks. The time you would normally use for meal planning, preparation and eating can be diverted into a time of prayer, meditation or service to others.
For some, even a 24 hour fast is a challenge. If so, then skipping one meal might be the best way to begin. Hopefully you'll find encouragement to try a longer fast. Fasting for several days or a week is not uncommon and has been of benefit to Christians throughout the ages. It is important that you refrain only from food. The body can survive for more than a week before going into starvation mode but the body cannot survive but a few hours without water. If you choose to fast ... even for one meal ... be sure to drink more than your normal amount of water.
We read in the Bible of longer fasts. Moses, Esther, David, Elijah, Paul and Christ all report doing a 40 Day fast. People like Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Wesley, Gandhi, Bill Bright and many others , in our memory, fasted for long periods of time. These were fasts for specific purposes and each person received supernatural strength from God. This is not the way to begin the Spiritual Practice of Fasting. Your body could suffer real damage. So unless you receive a direct revelation from God, please do not attempt anything so drastic.
Put along-side the week, month or 40 day fast, giving up a meal or two seems a small effort. Nonetheless, great spiritual delights can be claimed in a 24 hour or 36 hour (missing three meals). I hope you will consider trying one of these shorter fasts. Take it slow, get plenty of rest during the fast and plenty of water, but see for yourself if the Spiritual Disciple of Fasting will bring you closer to God.
If you should decided to Fast in order to devote more time and attention to God, a word of advice: start small. Many people begin with a 24 hour fast. This would mean missing just two meals. For instance, you could have breakfast one morning, then drink only water until the next morning when you'd have breakfast again. (I love how the word 'breakfast' got it's origins: for truly you are breaking the fast of not eating all night.) In the 24 hour fast, you miss just two meals plus in between snacks. The time you would normally use for meal planning, preparation and eating can be diverted into a time of prayer, meditation or service to others.
For some, even a 24 hour fast is a challenge. If so, then skipping one meal might be the best way to begin. Hopefully you'll find encouragement to try a longer fast. Fasting for several days or a week is not uncommon and has been of benefit to Christians throughout the ages. It is important that you refrain only from food. The body can survive for more than a week before going into starvation mode but the body cannot survive but a few hours without water. If you choose to fast ... even for one meal ... be sure to drink more than your normal amount of water.
We read in the Bible of longer fasts. Moses, Esther, David, Elijah, Paul and Christ all report doing a 40 Day fast. People like Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Wesley, Gandhi, Bill Bright and many others , in our memory, fasted for long periods of time. These were fasts for specific purposes and each person received supernatural strength from God. This is not the way to begin the Spiritual Practice of Fasting. Your body could suffer real damage. So unless you receive a direct revelation from God, please do not attempt anything so drastic.
Put along-side the week, month or 40 day fast, giving up a meal or two seems a small effort. Nonetheless, great spiritual delights can be claimed in a 24 hour or 36 hour (missing three meals). I hope you will consider trying one of these shorter fasts. Take it slow, get plenty of rest during the fast and plenty of water, but see for yourself if the Spiritual Disciple of Fasting will bring you closer to God.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Fasting: What's the Point?
For the next seven days we'll be looking at the Spiritual Discipline of Fasting. Of all the Disciplines, Fasting is probably the least practiced and the most misunderstood. While the Bible makes many references to fasting, in both the Old and New Testaments, modern-day Christians have, for the most part, avoided the practice altogether. Today, I'd like to explore our current attitudes toward Fasting.
One reason Richard Foster gives for the absence of Fasting in the Christian's life today, in his book, Celebration of Discipline, is that it may be a reaction to the abuses and excesses of the past. In Foster's words, " ... fasting has developed a bad reputation as a result of the excessive ascetic practices of the Middle Ages ... fasting was subjected to the most rigid regulations and practiced with extreme self-mortification and flagellation. Modern culture reacts strongly to these excesses and tends to confuse fasting with mortification."
But we mustn't let someone else's misuse and misunderstanding of the purpose for fasting, prevent us from seeing fasting's benefits. Of course, when I use the term Fasting, I am speaking of a Spiritual Discipline ... not a fast for political purposes, such as hunger strikes or fasting as a protest. Also, I'm not referring to a fast for health reasons. Many undertake a fast or partial fast to rid their bodies of toxins or to lose weight quickly. While these fasts have their place, the purpose for Spiritual Fasting is to heighten our awareness of God and strengthen our dependence on Him.
As Foster explains, "Fasting must forever center on God. It must be God-initiated and God-ordained. Like the prophetess Anna, we need to be “worshiping with fasting” (Luke 2: 37). Every other purpose must be subservient to God. Like that apostolic band at Antioch, “fasting” and “worshiping the Lord” must be said in the same breath (Acts 13: 2)."
Fasting can be of great Spiritual benefit, both for an individual or a group. However, unless our motive is to move into a deeper relationship with God ... to feed on his Word ... our Fast can quickly become self-serving and self-aggrandizing. During the duration of our fast (we'll talk about recommended time periods later this week), our focus needs to me on spiritual concerns ... not physical.
While a fast is safe and desirable for most people, there are some with health issues, such as diabetics and heart patients, as well as pregnant and breast-feeding mothers, who should not undertake a fast. If there is any question of the safety of even a short fast, one should consult with their doctor first.
For the vast majority of us, however, Fasting, when done with the right spirit and the correct motivation, can bring us closer to God than we have experienced before.
Foster concludes, "Fasting reminds us that we are sustained “by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Matt. 4: 4). Food does not sustain us; God sustains us. In Christ, “All things hold together” (Col. 1: 17). Therefore, in experiences of fasting we are not so much abstaining from food as we are feasting on the word of God. Fasting is feasting!"
I plan to "feast on God's Word alone" sometime this week. I won't say which day or for how long. I want to avoid the pitfall of the Pharisee's of Christ's day who fasted for the world to see how spiritually superior they were. If God calls you to try Fasting, I pray that you find blessings beyond measure and food for your soul.
One reason Richard Foster gives for the absence of Fasting in the Christian's life today, in his book, Celebration of Discipline, is that it may be a reaction to the abuses and excesses of the past. In Foster's words, " ... fasting has developed a bad reputation as a result of the excessive ascetic practices of the Middle Ages ... fasting was subjected to the most rigid regulations and practiced with extreme self-mortification and flagellation. Modern culture reacts strongly to these excesses and tends to confuse fasting with mortification."
But we mustn't let someone else's misuse and misunderstanding of the purpose for fasting, prevent us from seeing fasting's benefits. Of course, when I use the term Fasting, I am speaking of a Spiritual Discipline ... not a fast for political purposes, such as hunger strikes or fasting as a protest. Also, I'm not referring to a fast for health reasons. Many undertake a fast or partial fast to rid their bodies of toxins or to lose weight quickly. While these fasts have their place, the purpose for Spiritual Fasting is to heighten our awareness of God and strengthen our dependence on Him.
As Foster explains, "Fasting must forever center on God. It must be God-initiated and God-ordained. Like the prophetess Anna, we need to be “worshiping with fasting” (Luke 2: 37). Every other purpose must be subservient to God. Like that apostolic band at Antioch, “fasting” and “worshiping the Lord” must be said in the same breath (Acts 13: 2)."
Fasting can be of great Spiritual benefit, both for an individual or a group. However, unless our motive is to move into a deeper relationship with God ... to feed on his Word ... our Fast can quickly become self-serving and self-aggrandizing. During the duration of our fast (we'll talk about recommended time periods later this week), our focus needs to me on spiritual concerns ... not physical.
While a fast is safe and desirable for most people, there are some with health issues, such as diabetics and heart patients, as well as pregnant and breast-feeding mothers, who should not undertake a fast. If there is any question of the safety of even a short fast, one should consult with their doctor first.
For the vast majority of us, however, Fasting, when done with the right spirit and the correct motivation, can bring us closer to God than we have experienced before.
Foster concludes, "Fasting reminds us that we are sustained “by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Matt. 4: 4). Food does not sustain us; God sustains us. In Christ, “All things hold together” (Col. 1: 17). Therefore, in experiences of fasting we are not so much abstaining from food as we are feasting on the word of God. Fasting is feasting!"
I plan to "feast on God's Word alone" sometime this week. I won't say which day or for how long. I want to avoid the pitfall of the Pharisee's of Christ's day who fasted for the world to see how spiritually superior they were. If God calls you to try Fasting, I pray that you find blessings beyond measure and food for your soul.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Prayer: A Conversation with God
When we pray, we need to keep in mind that this is not a one-way communication. We talk to God. He listens. We listen. He answers. Sometimes it may seem like we are talking to ourselves, but be assured that when we talk, God hears. When we listen, we will hear God speaking.
I have a friend who, as a new Christian, kept hearing other Christians talk about how they heard God: that he told them to do this or that. Hard as she tried, as often as she prayed, she was so disappointed that she never heard God speak. She thought maybe she wasn't a good enough Christian ... that there was something wrong with her. Only after talking to more Christians did she learn that God's voice is rarely audible to our ears.
God speaks to us in many ways, when we are sensitive and willing to wait. Most often he speaks to our minds and hearts as we read the Bible. Certain passages that we've read countless times, will suddenly take on new meaning. We'll see an answer or find new inspiration in well-known verses.
Sometimes God speaks to us through other people. If we seek guidance or direction from others we trust ... those who may be more wiser or older ... we sometimes find just what we need at the time.
It's true that God uses circumstances to guide us. As many have experienced, doors open or close; events change or influence us. Also, God talks to us within our own minds: through our conscience or in dreams or revelations come to us as we sit and meditate.
I highly recommend Dallas Willard's book, "Hearing God," for more on this subject. In great detail and in perceptive language, Willard explores these and other methods that God chooses to reach us.
Just as a good friend is thrilled when we call, sent an e-mail or strike up a conversation in person, Christ and the Holy Spirit are filled with joy when we choose to converse them. We may not have the mystical experience of hearing God's actual voice, but we can know that he is reaching out in various ways to guide and teach us.
If you haven't had a conversation with God for awhile, I urge you to start your side of the conversation today. Who knows what wonderful things God is just waiting to share with you?
Here are some Bible verses that may help you in your conversation with God:
"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." John 14:13-14
"And this is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him." I John 5:14-15
I have a friend who, as a new Christian, kept hearing other Christians talk about how they heard God: that he told them to do this or that. Hard as she tried, as often as she prayed, she was so disappointed that she never heard God speak. She thought maybe she wasn't a good enough Christian ... that there was something wrong with her. Only after talking to more Christians did she learn that God's voice is rarely audible to our ears.
God speaks to us in many ways, when we are sensitive and willing to wait. Most often he speaks to our minds and hearts as we read the Bible. Certain passages that we've read countless times, will suddenly take on new meaning. We'll see an answer or find new inspiration in well-known verses.
Sometimes God speaks to us through other people. If we seek guidance or direction from others we trust ... those who may be more wiser or older ... we sometimes find just what we need at the time.
It's true that God uses circumstances to guide us. As many have experienced, doors open or close; events change or influence us. Also, God talks to us within our own minds: through our conscience or in dreams or revelations come to us as we sit and meditate.
I highly recommend Dallas Willard's book, "Hearing God," for more on this subject. In great detail and in perceptive language, Willard explores these and other methods that God chooses to reach us.
Just as a good friend is thrilled when we call, sent an e-mail or strike up a conversation in person, Christ and the Holy Spirit are filled with joy when we choose to converse them. We may not have the mystical experience of hearing God's actual voice, but we can know that he is reaching out in various ways to guide and teach us.
If you haven't had a conversation with God for awhile, I urge you to start your side of the conversation today. Who knows what wonderful things God is just waiting to share with you?
Here are some Bible verses that may help you in your conversation with God:
"Answer me when I pray, O God, my defender! When I was in trouble, you helped me. Be kind to me now and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1
"He is near to those who call to him, who call to him with sincerity." Psalm 145:18
"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." John 14:13-14
"And this is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him." I John 5:14-15
Monday, October 21, 2013
Prayer: It's OK to Ask
One of the functions of Prayer is to made requests from God and wait for His answers. Never let anyone undermine your practice of making requests of God in your prayers. Christ's clear message in Matthew 7:7 is to "ask, and you will receive." Petitionary Prayer is no less "spiritual" than prayers of Adoration and Praise.
Richard Foster hit the nail on the head in his book, Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home: "When our asking is for ourselves it is called petition; when it is on behalf of others it is called intercession. Asking is at the heart of both experiences. We must never negate or demean this aspect of our prayer experience. Some have suggested, for example, that while the less discerning will continue to appeal to God for aid, the real masters of the spiritual life go beyond petition to adoring God's essence with no needs or requests whatsoever. In this view our asking represents a more crude and naive form of prayer, while adoration and contemplation are a more enlightened and high-minded approach, since they are free from any egocentric demands."
As Foster goes on to explain (and I couldn't agree more), elevating prayers of adoration is a false spirituality. The very Hebrew and Greeks words that are translated "prayer" mean "to request" or "to make a petition." For troubled relationships, for freedom from pain (physical or psychological), for help with our finances, for guidance in making even mundane decisions, whatever our need, bringing our everyday concerns to Him pleases God.
These requests are the "bread and butter" of our prayer life. It is no mistake that Jesus included the phrase, "give us this day, our daily bread," in the Lord's Prayer. We are completely dependent on God and petitionary prayers demonstrate that fact. These prayers are our staple diet.
Of course there are times when we just want to praise and adore him. Often we sit in awe of His majesty and holiness. But that doesn't mean these times are on a higher plane or closer to God's heart than the simple requests we make on a daily basis.
God loves being our Father and longs to give us good things when we ask. Never hesitate to bring your wants and needs to God. He's waiting to hear from you: just ask ... it's OK.
Richard Foster hit the nail on the head in his book, Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home: "When our asking is for ourselves it is called petition; when it is on behalf of others it is called intercession. Asking is at the heart of both experiences. We must never negate or demean this aspect of our prayer experience. Some have suggested, for example, that while the less discerning will continue to appeal to God for aid, the real masters of the spiritual life go beyond petition to adoring God's essence with no needs or requests whatsoever. In this view our asking represents a more crude and naive form of prayer, while adoration and contemplation are a more enlightened and high-minded approach, since they are free from any egocentric demands."
As Foster goes on to explain (and I couldn't agree more), elevating prayers of adoration is a false spirituality. The very Hebrew and Greeks words that are translated "prayer" mean "to request" or "to make a petition." For troubled relationships, for freedom from pain (physical or psychological), for help with our finances, for guidance in making even mundane decisions, whatever our need, bringing our everyday concerns to Him pleases God.
These requests are the "bread and butter" of our prayer life. It is no mistake that Jesus included the phrase, "give us this day, our daily bread," in the Lord's Prayer. We are completely dependent on God and petitionary prayers demonstrate that fact. These prayers are our staple diet.
Of course there are times when we just want to praise and adore him. Often we sit in awe of His majesty and holiness. But that doesn't mean these times are on a higher plane or closer to God's heart than the simple requests we make on a daily basis.
God loves being our Father and longs to give us good things when we ask. Never hesitate to bring your wants and needs to God. He's waiting to hear from you: just ask ... it's OK.
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